Lampadaire Productions was more efficient and prepared than most of their competition and had struck first, but Fred assured me that if I really needed to walk away from the project that he could find another buyer within the next few months, probably somewhere in the $800-900k range, which was more than acceptable.I'd been well paid during my career of working for both Mr. DeLuca and Cameron O'Neil. Even without my book sales, domestic and overseas, I'd be living pretty well in any manner of comfort that I could choose. Having money was nice ... but Lionel Hopkins was my alter-ego, a man like me who had trusted a woman once and it had nearly destroyed him. He'd found true love too, in time, but lost the love of his life later in a hail of mob gunfire. He had at times lost everything, except for his principles, and like me, I was going to stick to my guns now too.I had no intention now of honoring my wife's wish that I bump uglies with the former love of my life. Today, right now I. They are all different. Dana comes sometimes and she takes control, she can be a bitch, trying to run everything all the time. I get rid of her, it takes effort. I am Dan. It is difficult to be a woman. Dan doesn’t like that. But sometimes I am her, I feel her pain. I wish, oh I wish I was just Dan all the time. I live each day inside me, I never know for sure who will be me on any day or moment. I live in a world no one can know, I live in a world of thinking and being in a way no one can undertstand, I also do not, it is just the way it is. Time gave me this, trapped gave me this. So I write. I write all the time. I have to. If I did not, then the real world around me would come, I would die. I don’t want to die, yet I do. I could die by myself for myself, I just can’t go to that dark corner of nothing and be, that would make me die. So I live, I write, it gives me legs, it gives me love, freedom. Reality is not a good place for me. By writing, I can be anyone, anything, go.
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